Mind Over Matter
by zeurin
Summary: Logic or Emotions? Dicipline or Friends? Law or Love? Right but wrong or wrong but right? Beka attempts to find herself. Is she truly a Dog or is she on the other side of the law?


Hey! I'm glad you all are reading my first little Tortall story. I've wanted to write one for a long time to write one, but hadn't had any inspiration until now. Thanks to reading _Terrier_. I seriously hope I get to finish this story before the end of this year, but it might become longer or shorter. Reviews help me update faster, fyi...

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**_Take Me Away by Avril Lavigne_**

_I cannot find a way to describe it_  
_It's there inside; all I do is hide_  
_I wish that it would just go away  
What would you do, you do, if you knew_  
_What would you do_

_All the pain I thought I knew  
All the thoughts lead back to you  
Back to what was never said  
Back and forth inside my head  
I can't handle this confusion  
I'm unable; come and take me away _

_I feel like I am all alone  
All by myself I need to get around this  
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you  
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand  
Cause no one understands _

_All the pain I thought I knew  
All the thoughts lead back to you  
Back to what was never said  
Back and forth inside my head  
I can't handle this confusion  
I'm unable; come and take me away  
_

Take me away  
Break me away  
Take me away

**Summer, 247**

Somewhere in the distance, a drum beat, several times more slowly than Beka's fluttering heart as it tried to burst of out the ribbed cage that was her chest. The drummer must have been just a few yards from the platform Beka stood on but it seemed miles away to her. Everything seemed far in the distance with only herself and the man in front of her focused in her vision. Her face was pale and completely devoid of emotions, starling and cruelly so. Nothing else mattered then but she and the man. Beka looked perfectly calm and natural as though she always killed people on a platform in front of dozens of others, but her trembling hand that held the cursed killing sword that shook a bit with her own indecision gave her away. Still, she stood still, buying time for what was perhaps the most important choice in her life. Kill the man and obey her orders or let the man free and follow her own will? Her mind was screaming at her to obey all the rules her life was set on and just kill the man for the Goddess's sake, but her heart was begging her to save the man she loved. It seemed as though an invisible barrier had settled around Beka and the man she was to kill, separating them from the others. Should she do what was right but wrong or what was wrong but right? Finally, an impatient bystander hooted for some action, bored by the immobility of the two people on the platform. Beka turned her head a fraction of an inch to the left so they could see her cold, icy eyes. All the onlookers went silent.

Satisfied, Beka looked back to the man in front of her. He looked just as calm as her, as though being chained up and readied to kill was of the ordinary. Beka wondered what he was thinking, but could not bring herself to open her mouth and talk to him. She had not for a long time now and she was not about to start. Besides, what could she say to the man she was to kill? "Sorry, but I'm going to kill you," just sounded awkward so she kept her mouth shut. A shadow fell across the man's handsome face, nearly hiding the long, thin scar on his cheek. Beka remembered a time less than a couple months ago when she had seen that newly formed scar and teased him about it. It was months ago, but it felt like her to be decades. A small, star-shaped scar appeared in Beka's vision as the man shifted his arm to show his bare forearm. She wondered how he received that wound, but now she would never know.

Slowly, the man raised up his head, his dark eyes scanning Beka's light ones without expression. They were nearly unreadable but Beka could have sworn that there was a tiny flicker of hope deep within the darkness. A muscle twitched in Beka's jaw as she realized that the man was still hopeful that she would possibly not kill him and that made her sad… almost regretful because no matter what happened today, the man was going to die.

The drum beat on, faster now so that it almost matched the frantic pace of her heart. It signaled that Beka should stop hesitating and behead the man already. Suddenly, Beka knew what to do. She was going to do the right thing, no matter how much heartache it took her. Breathing in deeply to calm her nerves at the task ahead of her (though it did not help), Beka slowly raised the long, deadly blade that reflected the bright sunlight in her hand. The Dog could see the terror in the man's black eyes.

"I'm sorry, Rosto," Beka whispered before she let the sharp blade crash down upon him…

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Just a little cliff hanger... :) Well, this is the future, I'm coming back to the past or else this won't make sense. I feel kinda bad about leaving you hanging like this, so I think I'm going to update sometime this weekend. Oh, and I thought that song by Avril Lavigne described this situation nicely. This is the last time I'm using a song, though. I swear the next chapters will be much longer. Review:) 


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